matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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