We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
