God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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