Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
