Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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