im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
