I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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