i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
