Can Purell be used as lube?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
