I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
