We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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