I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
