Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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