the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
