I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
