He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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