Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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