I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
