He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
