I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
