We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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