last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
