I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
