Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
