paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
OPIZZABONMYDICK
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
