Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
