I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
