im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
