My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
