take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
