Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
