i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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