I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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