i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA