I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.