Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(214): View more from Texas

Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.

(214): View more from Texas

If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"

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(214): Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window. (214): If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day" http://tfl.nu/2bzp

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"

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(860): I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John" http://tfl.nu/1on0

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(404): View more from Georgia

she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.

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(404): she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating. http://tfl.nu/jrr4

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(360): View more from Washington

Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.

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(360): Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe. http://tfl.nu/jop2

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(303): View more from Colorado

mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him

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(303): mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him http://tfl.nu/uw49

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(256): View more from Alabama

this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.

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(256): this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man. http://tfl.nu/hhwz

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(613): View more from Ontario

Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret

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(613): Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret http://tfl.nu/ksru

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(914): View more from New York

I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds

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(914): I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds http://tfl.nu/eevd

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(217): View more from Illinois

Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg

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(217): Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg http://tfl.nu/vp09

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(562): View more from California

as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.

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(562): as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment. http://tfl.nu/n398

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(330): View more from Ohio

They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.

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(330): They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared. http://tfl.nu/tvlx

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens

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(860): I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens http://tfl.nu/onsn

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(720): View more from Colorado

Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.

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(720): Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego. http://tfl.nu/dgdq

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.

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(608): I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs. http://tfl.nu/xnbx

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(269): View more from Michigan

They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.

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(269): They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth. http://tfl.nu/6jfd

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