i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
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I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
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I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.