Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".