oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something