This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
im holly from the hills drunk
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men