Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
