If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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