just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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