remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
