Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
