Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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