About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
