If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
