I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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