I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
