i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
