Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
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