I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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