i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
