so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
