Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Randomize