jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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