So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
