i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
