you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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