Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
