After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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