Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
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thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
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Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?