I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.