Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
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I booty called her while she was in labor.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
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You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.