Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?

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  (586): Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low? http://tfl.nu/jj2a
  Replies (32) Good night (1204) Bad night (2719)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.

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  (508): Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it. http://tfl.nu/eqxg
  Replies (34) Good night (952) Bad night (2995)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  her nose should be used as a dorsal fin

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  (404): her nose should be used as a dorsal fin http://tfl.nu/cjiq
  Replies (10) Good night (567) Bad night (3031)
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  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.

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  (857): Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility. http://tfl.nu/agqx
  Replies (39) Good night (1446) Bad night (4382)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight

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  (416): I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight http://tfl.nu/k1ij
  Replies (7) Good night (3693) Bad night (1272)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent

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  (856): I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent http://tfl.nu/ara2
  Replies (6) Good night (2552) Bad night (917)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man

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  (785): I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man http://tfl.nu/ay55
  Replies (10) Good night (2654) Bad night (676)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.

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  (361): Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin. http://tfl.nu/3skp
  Replies (2) Good night (1844) Bad night (1070)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.

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  (303): I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick. http://tfl.nu/7vfn
  Replies (3) Good night (500) Bad night (1508)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.

  (1-623): View more from Arizona

  That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me

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  (623): Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice. (1-623): That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me http://tfl.nu/ei2r
  Replies (8) Good night (2721) Bad night (609)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants

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  (719): there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants http://tfl.nu/vcqy
  Replies (9) Good night (863) Bad night (715)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?

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  (443): I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible? http://tfl.nu/lb2v
  Replies (19) Good night (731) Bad night (1157)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD

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  (614): Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD http://tfl.nu/nf04
  Replies (9) Good night (1345) Bad night (420)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.

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  (512): My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes. http://tfl.nu/b90a
  Replies (1) Good night (1086) Bad night (352)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.

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  (864): Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on. http://tfl.nu/ak2b
  Replies (3) Good night (967) Bad night (591)

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