did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.