She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
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Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
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She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
FUCK WHALES
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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