this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
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And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.