Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
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just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
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I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.