Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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