Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
please come you make the beer taste better
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
