I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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