i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
