He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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