Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
