need another drink. this is the easiest way
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
