and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
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The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
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i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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