would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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